Bondle

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Is it Bondle Crismas?

The first Bondle Crismas was celebrated April 2nd, 2013, as scheduled/foretold many months earlier. The date of this celebration was brought to us via an unknown calendar entry in the goggle calendaring system.
It is believed that the story of bondle crismas may predate the first celebration by some years, though records from this time are poor and accounts are only known through oral history. One oral traditionist tells us that bondle crismas was brought to us by the words of a robot.



The first Bondle Crismas feast was gobbled at Bondle Saloon, which is known to non-believers (anti-bondlites) as "Old Magoun's Saloon" in Somerville, MA. The feast is a test of one's IRON METABOLISM. It is also the test of one's disposable income.
During the feast we tell tales of mistakes we have made and/or machinery/technology we have inadvertently destroyed in a spectacular manner - such as automobiles or sporting equipment.

It is customary to exchange prescription drugs with your friends and loved ones during Bondle Crismas.



It's traditional to shave your arms on the Eve of Bondle Crismas. It is told that failure to do this will anger the Wolfrahm Wolverine and he 'Will shave your entire body with his claws' if the arms aren't smooth by his visit. In modern practice it is traditional to wear a long sleeved shirt during bondle crismas eve festivities, so that any arm hair may be kept from Wolfrahm Wolverine's sight.

Some individuals have been forbidden to participate in bondle crismas celebrations. Notably: renee zellweger is not allowed to bondle crismas. Security records indicate that jared was "kicked" from an internet chat room during one of the first bondle crismases by elf Jon P. Resign and his automated sub-elf blumpkin. jared did not return for many moon.



The official color of bondle crismas is: blue.

2013-04-0413:43 <Dickie> So a bondle tradition is to act out the opposite of your perceived political views.

2012-04-0213:20 <chessie> every bondle crismas we must have a sale and fred must message/pick up a gross girl

The offical music of Bondle Crismas is Prince & The Revolution

Related holidays include:

  • Thursday-Monday, held on the second Monday of July
  • Soupass (April 24)
  • Bondle Festivus (May 17), a time to air grievances, usually about mistakes other entities have made regarding technology and machinery
  • Indigimon Hitler Day, held on the second Monday of October
  • Bondle Half Crismas, held two Fridays before Christmas, is a good time to consume prescription drugs that were obtained through the exchange
  • Blonde Racisms (see below)


Blonde Racisms

Every lustrum, the Bondle Crismas celebration is replaced by a brunch held the Sunday following February 4th.