A Battle of Twits
From Whiteboard
Just in time for the new decade, Matt and Fred have shaken hands and agreed to a mano-a-mano battle to the bitter end, which will surely leave the loser convulsing and crying on the floor.
Contents |
The Contestants:
Matt
Fred
The Objective:
Be the first to engage in sexual intercourse with a woman.
The Prize:
Bragging rights, the adoration of peers.
The Rules:
As agreed to by Matt, prior partners do not count, nor do prostitutes (not that we would, just saying). Any system that adheres to these rules can be used. For example, the DICKIE system can be applied, but the TED system cannot for that involves stealing an ex-girlfriend.
It's Over:
May 29th, 2010:
02:19:46 <+Dickie> wow
02:20:50 <+Dickie> So Fred has a girl at my place, and it's taken ALL my effort
not to steal her. She likes my dog and she's cute4
02:21:02 <+Dickie> Fred is probably winning
02:29:53 <@Burns> Yeah don't steal her.
02:30:03 <@Burns> Thanks.
02:30:26 <@Burns> Also how could Fredo possibly win? Is she that forceful?
02:31:21 <@Burns> .../drunk?
02:37:12 <+Dickie> Well I took my dog for a long walk
02:37:22 <@Burns> Good, good.
02:37:24 <+Dickie> and there is deep breathing
02:37:30 <@Burns> Snoring?
02:37:43 <+Dickie> nah, GOOD deep breathing
02:38:03 <@Burns> I like that you're listening.
02:38:06 <+Dickie> I'm so proud of our lil' boy
02:38:25 <+Dickie> I'm laying in bed on my phone
02:40:44 <+Dickie> It's not weird
02:41:04 <@Burns> What isn't?
02:41:16 <+Dickie> Hahahahahahahahahahhaha
02:41:25 <+Dickie> Fred is totally winning
02:41:30 <@Burns> Finally!
02:41:37 <@Burns> He called it, IIRC.
02:41:51 <+Dickie> I put a backup in the bathroom
02:42:00 <@Burns> I thought he said something like "tonight someone is winning,
I can feel it" on IRC.
02:42:03 <+Dickie> and he knocked on my door a sec ago
02:42:16 <+Dickie> I just said 'bathroom'
02:42:25 <@Burns> You have condoms?
02:42:28 <+Dickie> and he left
02:42:51 <+Dickie> Ya, when I thought Kara liked me
02:42:57 <@Burns> Ah good idea.
02:43:02 <@Burns> Oh yeah I think I remember discussing that.
02:43:48 <@Burns> Well we'll see how it goes!
02:47:07 <+Dickie> K, Fred totally won, but I'm not going to admit this
02:47:29 <+Dickie> so I'm going to log him off IRC
02:47:41 <@Burns> 02:41:25 <+Dickie> Fred is totally winning
02:47:42 <@Burns> 02:47:07 <+Dickie> K, Fred totally won, but I'm not going to
admit this
02:47:46 <+Dickie> and pretend I don't know anything
02:47:49 <@Burns> 5.5min?
02:47:58 <+Dickie> ya
02:48:03 <+Dickie> she just laughed
02:48:24 <+Dickie> well...
02:48:25 <@Burns> He's not a funny guy; maybe she just saw his dick for now.
02:48:48 <+Dickie> I think it was closer to a dickie
02:49:13 <@Burns> There's a bed in the spare room?
02:49:15 <+Dickie> NO MENTION
02:51:13 < Fredo> k, this is dickie
02:51:20 < Fredo> saying farewell
02:51:24 <@Burns> I hardly think that's fair.
02:51:43 < Fredo> What's not fair?
02:51:56 <@Burns> Covering your tracks.
02:52:21 < Fredo> We need to just pretend we don't believe him
02:52:22 <@Burns> I'm just going to tell him, why hide it?
02:52:40 < Fredo> I'll show him the whole backlog tomorrow evening
02:52:43 < Fredo> promise
02:52:45 <@Burns> Great.
02:53:22 < Fredo> K, see you in 6.t5 hours
02:53:26 <@Burns> Ta!
02:53:52 <-- Fredo (~distaula@c-24-61-213-12.hsd1.ma.comcast.net) has quit
(Quit: leaving)
08:43:58 < Fred> Contest has been won.
